🌴🌴
Bent Over Club · Miami Beach · Est. 2026
The Hall of Famefor Epic Disasters
🐊
Sonny Jr. Esq. · Club Mascot · Miami Beach
"We don't wish anyone ill. We just document what happens when they do it to themselves." — Pure Fumbles since 2026 🌴
$1.7B Lost👑 10 Founding Members100% Avoidable
Ocean Drive · Dusk · 1984 🌴
— Founding Members —
SA
Situational Awareness
AI hedge fund · New York, 2024-2026
-67% / $30B
Predicted the AI boom in a 165-page essay. Built a fund to $45B in exposure. Lost 67% in one month — during his own wedding week. Named the fund "Situational Awareness." The one thing he wasn't aware of was his own situation.
🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊 8/10
📉 = Right about machines. Wrong about leverage.
🔮 Epic Fumbles · 2026MZ
Meta
AI layoffs · Menlo Park, 2024-2026
32,000 fired
AI-powered performance reviews flagged parents on parental leave as low performers. The algorithm measured keystrokes, not contribution. Zuckerberg took paternity leave in 2015 and 2017. The algorithm didn't know that.
🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊 9/10
🤖 = In 2022, he cried. In 2026, he delegated the crying.
🤖 Meta Chronicles Ch.1AD
Adobe
Figma acquisition · 2022-2023
$1B
Paid $1 billion to learn that regulators exist. Tried to buy Figma for $20B. UK and EU regulators said no. Figma kept the $1B breakup fee and is now worth $12.5B. Adobe paid 1/20 of the deal just to be told no.
🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊 9/10
= 1/20 of the Figma he never bought
🎨 Adobe Chronicles Ch.1MS
Microsoft
Invested in "AI" · London/Bangalore
$30M → $0
Invested in Builder.ai. The "AI" was 700 engineers in Bangalore. WSJ warned them in 2019. They invested in 2023. The CEO needed Google.
🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊 10/10
= AI stood for Actually Indians
💻 Microsoft Chronicles Ch.1EH
Elizabeth Holmes
CEO, Theranos · 11 years prison
$9B → $0
Faked her voice. Faked her machine. Faked her CEO. Kissinger, Murdoch, and four-star generals fell for it. Now serving 11 years with her boyfriend serving 12.
🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊 10/10
🩸 = Bonnie & Sunny — bled together, jailed together
🤡 Epic Fumbles · 2026JG
Jaguar
"Copy Nothing" rebrand · Coventry, 1922
1,961 → 49
Ran a 30-second ad. Zero cars. Deleted 102 years of heritage. Sold 49 vehicles in all of Europe. CEO retired 30 days later. CCO escorted out. Agency dropped. "Copy Nothing" worked exactly as advertised.
🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊 10/10
🐆 = "Copy Nothing" slogan. "Sell Nothing" result.
💸 Marketing Chronicles Ch.1